I had been unsure and walking through limbo for months. There was a time in July where I thought I wouldn’t even survive the immense heartbreak and confusion I had felt. Then the weeks went by, August came around and I found myself happier and more at peace with my life. Some days, I would wake up confused where I was because this was my new life. I was alone, just me and my thoughts but this time it wasn’t overwhelming or sad like it use to be. For a decade all I did was cry over the same things, live in those terrible memories, feeling like I could not take another day. Regardless of who I was with or how close we were I never once felt real peace. It wasn’t until I started to feel happy on my own that I wanted to be out in the world. Being out in the world, having friends who push me to go out and live my life is how I met Gem.

Gem is still mostly a mystery when it comes to their life and memories but I see them. They are in the same time as me, focused on their passion to the point of obsession, unafraid to be out in the world. They are full of ideas even though they are quiet. It’s strange but days after meeting them, they started to appear in my dreams every single night. Sometimes they would speak in my dreams and sometimes I just see them passing by. Gem and I had a conversation about dreams. Gem asked if I think that people can have the same dreams at the same time and I responded “Yes, you just have to be connected to that person.”

My best friend Inti and I have had similar dreams over the years, it’s that deep connection that creates those dreams.

Let me tell you about my first one on one time with Gem. I had asked Gem to hangout a week after we met. I picked them up, we had no real plan of where we were going or what we were going to do. As soon as they got into the car the conversation began and as I was driving back onto the street I asked,” Where do you want to go?” Gem wasn’t sure just like me they were indecisive so I said,”Let’s drive around and see.” Eventually during the ride, they suggested a place to get coffee, I was in need of coffee. I had so many restless nights just thinking of what my life would be like once I really went home.

The coffee shop was close to Disneyland, it was actually kind of funny we were in that area because Gem and I are Disneyland haters.

As I was driving up Harbor Blvd, Gem realized we had passed the cafe. I joked with them, “You had one job, to be the GPS” and they said,” Sorry we were talking” it was a funny but genuine moment. You could tell they were actually sorry but into the conversation. Funniest moment though had to be when we missed the exit to get into the parking structure and had to drive around again. Gem felt bad he said,” Sorry for making you waste gas.” he didn’t know that my car is actually amazing on gas so I really didn’t mind at all. When we finally got into the parking structure, I could not reach the ticket machine, my car might be cool but damn is it low, I had to get out to get the ticket and it made Gem giggle. We parked and off we went to find the cafe.

We walked around, looking for the place. I could tell that Gem wasn’t sure where it was so I jokingly asked,” Omg are we lost again?!” and he giggled and said ,”No, it’s here, lets look at the map.”

It was good to see that he has patience didn’t get mad right away and even took the time to look at the map. Once we figured out where it was, we walked towards the cafe. Gem walked in front of me and opened the door. It was a cute bakery style, reminded me of 85 degrees bakery. I grabbed a tray and handed it to him then grabbed the tongs and we looked around. He held the tray and I grabbed the bread. I love places like these, they remind me of the Panaderias I use to go to as a kid. That’s the thing about Gem, everything they say or they share with me feels nostalgic to some degree.

Once we decided on the bread, we got in line and ordered our coffee. Totally opposite orders he got a hot mocha and I got an iced vanilla latte. He ended up paying. We took our bread and sat down while we waited for our drinks. We talked about art, school and he asked me how I got into the world of journalism, how I made it happen. I realize now that I’m writing this that I never actually told him. We got interrupted, our coffee order was called out. He immediately got up to go get it and I got a straw. For some reason I thought he needed one and I got two straws, it was a reflex. I’m kinda of a straw thief, I always take more straws than I need.

When talking to Gem, I didn’t have such a hard time making eye contact. To me people who have dark brown eyes feel like I am looking into the void and I usually feel exposed because people can see every little detail when you have colored eyes.

Once we finished eating, I said,” Let’s take a drive.” I wanted to take them to the beach, I wasn’t sure when it was the last time they had gone. Gem is a busy person, they work, have classes, work on their art and their mind is always full. I imagine it’s tiring, I remember those days just waiting for the day you can just do what you want instead of what you need to.

Once we got to Newport beach, the parking by the pier was full so I drove us around closer to Balboa Pier until I found a parking spot in between. We parked, I got my jacket and we walked and talked. It felt a little windy, so I asked,” You won’t be cold?” He said,” No.” So we kept walking and he asked “can’t we go in through here?” There was an opening to walk on the actual beach, that trail where people walk and bikers try not to run people over. We noticed that there was a bunch of runners, some kind of event going on. I tried to walk next to Gem so I could hear them but we had to walk in a line for a bit. Eventually, I moved to their left and they said,” what if they run us over?” I said,” nah they won’t they can go around haha.”

We walked on the Newport Beach Pier while I asked Gem about his family, what his mom was like and his dad. I was genuinely curious about his life, truth is I wanted to know everything. I remember everything he talked about but nothing about what I said.

I will admit I held him hostage driving around Costa Mesa, Orange and Santa Ana for about another hour or so. There were silent moments when we didn’t talk but never awkward.

Although, it was our first time hanging out alone it didn’t feel like it. I mean they already saw me dance so I guess that makes it a little less intimidating. The time went by so fast, usually thats a good sign means the friendship is off to a good start.